To trudge. To step. To walk with full purpose and knowledge. Pulling yourself voluntarily with your own muscles into your unknown future. Choosing this path seems to be The American Life, the way you are supposed to live. But the paths are muddled and confused. There is a path with your mother, a path with your father, a path with your friends, and a path at work. Where is your own path?
Step. Step. Breathe. Step. Katie and Sarah are at your sides. You chose for them to be there. For the first time you are fifteen, and a guy is interested in you. You’re skinnier than you have ever been, and people stop in the street or at the hospital where you volunteer to tell you how beautiful you are. Pride, sense of self-worth, the burgeoning confidence are what you are developing and devouring as each day of this summer goes by.
His name is John and even though he has been following you all summer at the pool from lifeguard stand to lifeguard stand, this is supposed to be your first date, and he has promised bowling. But as the time to close the pool draws near, John arrives swooping by your station with little updates and the situation is getting more and more out of your control. But, if your pretty now, and worth his time, then maybe you shouldn’t be in control. Are American girls supposed to be in control?
At least Sarah and Katie are there at your side.
Yes, John asked you out, but he makes you uncomfortable and you’re not at all attracted to him, you’re just interested in him, since he seems to be interested in you. He’s the first.
It’s time. 8pm. The sun has gone down and it is the stereotypical muggy St.Louis night, and a different future is in the air. A life you would have never imagined all those years ago when Dad would come home to lecture you about the plight of your immigrant ancestors and the responsibility you have to your family and his legacy.
All the integral thoughts of your education have flown out of your head, and like all the silly girls before you, you ready yourself for a strange 15-year-old boy who makes you feel uncomfortable and who you know nothing about except that he seems to not really have a life and follows you around at the swimming pool wasting away the minutes of his youth.
Sarah and Katie are your security blanket, but since they are in similar places, instead of discouraging you, they are just there at your side.
All three of you step out into the night, all of you 15. John is nowhere. Sarah, Katie, and you trudge down the hill, step by step choosing to walk to the bowling alley where he has told you he works, and where he has chosen for this date to be. Right before you reach the bowling alley John appears. Swooping out of the darkness on his bicycle encircling the three of you.
John. He is big, dark, with long unfashionable hair. He is not at all in shape and not a very good swimmer. Sometimes while he is waiting for you to arrive at work, he pulls out a skate board from god knows where, and just rides around the parking lot waiting for you to arrive. Circling, always circling, John.
Part II
The outcome of the night is anti-climactic since of course everything John said and promised was a lie. All that happened in the end was that you and Sarah and Katie ended walking about a mile and half to the closing Bread Co. in the Creve Ceour shopping center where you managed to buy the last salad and sandwich of the night. John showed up at the clean well-lighted place, spotted you and left. Finally gone. When the salads and sandwiches were finished, the three of you trudged the mile and half back feeling confused by the future that almost happened. Was that American? When finally you get back to the swimming pool, 10pm, dark and desolate, your mother awaits to pick the three of you up. She is really shocked to see you guys walking out of the dark from the opposite direction. She asks what’s up and you lie, choosing your American future and its path.
So there, you have your answer.
